


Apologies, Ties and Golden Sunsets

by KillianJones32



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Neville gets married!, Post-Break Up, Post-Hogwarts, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 12:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7714363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillianJones32/pseuds/KillianJones32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seamus hasn't talked to Dean since their bad breakup ten months ago. But now it's Neville's wedding day and with Seamus being the best man and Dean being one of the groomsmen, they have to be civil with one another for one day. </p><p>That would be a lot easier for Seamus if he knew why Dean broke up with him in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apologies, Ties and Golden Sunsets

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt I received on tumblr: I love your Deamus fics! Could you write one of them (shortly after a bad breakup) being groomsmen at one their friends' weddings and when their friend is nervous they encourage him? And it ends with them getting back together?

...

Seamus fumbles with his tie in the mirror. For some reason whenever he uses a spell to tie his tie it comes out looking all wonky but whenever he does it the muggle way it comes out even worse

Maybe Neville wouldn’t mind if his best man forgoes a tie to his wedding?

He sighs, ripping the fabric from his collar and staring at himself in the reflection.

He looks awful.

His hair is so messy that it could rival Harry Potter’s, there are bags under his eyes from several nights of restless sleep and if you look closely enough, you can see his hands trembling.

He can’t do this, he can’t.

He wants to be a good friend to Neville. He truly does but he just isn’t sure he can do this.

Sure standing up at an altar and smiling through the ceremony would be easy. Reigning in a yawn or a roll of his eyes at every cheesy vow would be a walk in the park.

Posing for pictures, announcing toasts, telling jokes, teasing the newlyweds, all of those were things that Seamus could do no problem.

But do all of those things with Dean Thomas by his side? That was a very big problem indeed.

Seamus looks down at the frail tie in his hands and wonders how it came to this.

Dean and he used to be best friends. More than best friends really, Dean had been a constant in Seamus’s life ever since they were 11 and when Dean went on the run during their seventh year, Seamus struggled to survive without him.

He threw himself into the DA, helping and protecting younger students and strengthening friendships with Neville, Luna and Ginny and while that was helpful, Dean remained at the back of his mind all the time.

And even though the circumstances were wildly inappropriate, when Seamus saw Dean again at the Battle of Hogwarts, when they kissed and admitted their feelings to each other, it had been the happiest Seamus had ever been.

Seamus closes his eyes and bites back any tears threatening to fall.

Yes they had been happy, so happy. They moved in together shortly after the battle and for two years everything was good.

Then Dean finished his course at the muggle art college he was studying at. It took him two weeks to tell Seamus that he had been offered a place at a prestigious art college in Italy for two years.

Seamus remembers feeling shocked and helpless at the thought of being so far away from Dean for so long. But he wanted to support Dean so he said that if that’s what Dean wanted then he’d support him.

Dean had carefully avoided eye contact with him when he admitted that he had already accepted the position. 

But that wasn’t what broke their relationship.

Seamus had pushed the fact that Dean had made this important decision in their relationship without him aside and he agreed that it was the best decision.

They were still going to stay together; just in separate countries. Dean made long distance sound so easy but the following week when Seamus stood alone in a half empty apartment, he wasn’t so sure.

That fear only grew over the next few weeks as every day letters arrived once every few days and weekend floo visits became a thing of the past.

Seamus knew that Dean was busy but deep down he knew it was something more than that.

Dean was actively not responding to owls and postponing trips home and as each week passed, Seamus grew more uncertain.

Eight months after Dean moved to Italy, Seamus got an owl from Dean saying that maybe it would be best if they took a break for a while.

Seamus had replied with “If that’s what you want” because as much as he wanted to beg for Dean to give them another try, he was just tired of waiting for Dean to remember him and give him the time of day.

He hasn’t heard from Dean since and that was ten months ago.

There’s a soft tap on the door and Seamus is thrown back into the present.

Clearing his throat, he focuses back on this stupid black tie, “Come in.”

Seamus watches in the reflection as the door opens and his heart clenches when he sees Dean standing there.

This week has been the first time that he’s seen Dean in a year and it hasn’t been easy.

Especially since he had been doing such a great job of avoiding him until Neville and Hannah insisted that they at least had to interact a little seeing as Dean was a groomsman and Seamus was the best man.

Dean’s soft eyes meet his in the mirror and Seamus instantly looks away. Those eyes were always a weakness of Seamus’s and he’d be dammed if he lost his nerve in front of Dean after everything that’s happened.

“What do you want?” Seamus doesn’t raise his voice, keeping it level and cold because he can’t afford to lose his nerve with Dean. Not today at least.

Dean rubs the back of his neck, “I know you don’t want to talk to me but Neville is getting cold feet and I can’t console him so I…I was hoping you could help?”

That was true. Dean approached Seamus at Neville’s bachelor party a few nights ago and tried to talk to him.

Seamus had glared up at him, pointed a finger into his chest and told him that he had no interest in what Dean had to say and that it would be in Dean’s best interests never speaking to him again. Especially seeing as that was clearly what Dean wanted when he walked out of his life all those months ago.

Dean had visibly flinched at Seamus’s words but under the dim lights with alcohol and pain running through his veins, Seamus couldn’t find it in him to care.  
Seams reluctantly turns to face Dean and hopes that the hurt he feels doesn’t show on his face,

“If it’s for Nev then of course.”

Brushing past Dean with his head held high, Seamus walks down the hotel corridor and knocks on Neville’s door.

A split second later the door opens to reveal a ragged looking Neville dressed in his finest robes that they had picked out months ago.

“Oh Seamus thank Godric!” Neville embraces him in a quick hug before ushering him inside.

Seamus doesn’t have to look behind him to know that Dean is following him, he’d recognise that cologne anywhere.

“Hey Neville!” Seamus brightens “You excited for your big day?”

Neville collapses on the end of his bed and whimpers.

Dean casts a worried look at Seamus who ignores him in favour of sitting down beside Neville on the bed and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“What’s going on?”

The words tumble out of Neville’s mouth, “This was a ridiculous idea. Hannah and I have only been together a short while! She’s going to regret this and it’ll all be my fault and why would she even want to marry me-?”

“Neville!” Seamus exclaims lightly “Breathe!”

Neville obliges and takes a few deep breathes in and out

“I know you’re worried but everything will be fine.” Seamus assures “Hannah adores you and you’ve been together for over two years! Hannah won’t regret marrying you and you won’t regret marrying her.”

Neville looks down at his wringing hands,

“I could just call off the wedding or postpone it until we’re both sure…”

“Don’t do that” Dean interrupts; his voice is soft but there’s meaning behind his words He moves to sit on the other side of Neville and Seamus has to be extremely careful not to look at him “If you walk away from this then there’s no going back. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life… trust me on that one”

Seamus swallows. 

Dean can’t be talking about them. There’s no way that Dean regrets walking away from their relationship.

If he did then he would have sent an owl in the months they’ve been apart. He would have told him how long this break was supposed to last. He would have flooed home every once in a while and actually talked to him instead of just ignoring him.

“I know what it’s like” Dean continues “To think that the person you love isn’t ready for what you are. And I know how much that hurts but Hannah clearly wants to marry you. She wouldn’t have said yes otherwise. Don’t let your doubts of ‘what ifs’ cloud reality Neville. If you do then it’ll just make you miserable and it’ll make Hannah miserable…and you’ll hate yourself because you hurt her….”

Anger bubbles in Seamus’s chest. Hearing those sickening words come out of Dean’s mouth after everything that’s happened feels like a punch in the gut.

It seems to work on Neville though, he’s wearing a small smile on his face and he nods ever so slightly, “Yeah…yeah you’re right. Thanks guys”

Seamus forces a smile on his face which Dean will definitely be able to see through but he doesn’t have the strength to care, “No problem, sure that’s what friends are for! Now I’m going to go look for the rings. Don’t go running off and leaving Hannah all alone alright?”

His tone is teasing but there’s a slight edge to it. Thankfully Neville doesn’t pick up on it as he just grins

“See you later Seamus”

He practically trips over himself to escape from the stuffy hotel room but he should have known better than to be that lucky.

“Seamus!” He’s halfway down the corridor when that distinctive voice calls out to him. Part of him wants to ignore it while another part of him wants to hex the owner of that voice into oblivion.

Instead he does neither and turns to face Dean again.

“What?” Seamus asks tiredly “I told you I’ve to find the rings. I don’t have time for-”

“I’m sorry”

Ten months ago Seamus would have done anything to hear those words but now they are almost meaningless to him; almost.

Seamus stares expressionless at him, “What for?”

Dean focuses his eyes on the ground and Seamus would almost fear proud that he caused Dean to feel so on edge around him except Seamus always felt powerless around Dean. 

Whether it was because of his feelings or because the other boy was a whole foot taller than him, Seamus will never know.

“I didn’t want that to be the way I told you…”

Seamus frowns, “Sorry are we talking about a minute ago when you were telling Neville that he shouldn’t walk away from his relationship like a complete hypocrite? Or are we talking about ten months ago when you walked out of my life with nothing more than an owl saying we should take a break and then never contacted me again.”

Dean raises his eyes to meet his and Seamus hates the pang in his heart when he sees that Dean’s eyes are shining with tears.

“Just now” Dean clears his throat at the crack in his voice “I…I mean I’m apologising for now. I’ll apologise for…everything else later because obviously there’s a lot I need to apologise for.”

Seamus makes a noise of agreement but says nothing.

“What I meant was I’m sorry about what I told Neville” Dean explains “I’m sorry about what I said about regretting walking away and how it…It would hurt him more than anything especially knowing it would hurt the person he loves.”

Seamus raises an eyebrow “What you think I’d put that together with us and assume you regret leaving me?”

“Shay that’s what I-”

“Don’t call me that” Seamus hisses “Don’t ever call me that and don’t…don’t talk to me okay just don’t!” Dean takes a step forward but Seamus takes three steps back

“Please” Seamus hears his voice break but he can’t do anything about it “I’m trying okay? I’m trying to be civil for Neville’s sake but it’s not easy. After today you’ll never have to see me again. I don’t even know why you accepted being Neville’s groomsman if-”

“Because he’s a mate and because I wanted to talk to you”

Seamus rolls his eyes “You were the one who wanted a break and then never talked to me again. You had plenty of time to talk to me if you wanted but you didn’t.” 

“I know…I just couldn’t face you after I left the way I did and I meant everything I said to Neville. I regretted it. I’ve never regretted anything in my life as much as I regret leaving you.”

Tears fall down Dean’s cheeks but Seamus can hardly see them. His vision is blurry, blood is pumping through his ears and he has to take deep breaths to calm to whirlwind of emotions in his body right now.

Dean takes a tentative step forward, “I’m sorry if I’m upsetting you. If you give me a chance to explain then I will. I’ll tell you everything later and then it’s completely your decision what you want to do. But can I…can I just do one thing before you leave?”

Before he can think twice about it Seamus is nodding.

Dean smiles sadly, “Can I tie your tie?”

Seamus looks down at the tie that he had carelessly thrown around his collar. It looked no better than it had a half hour ago. As much as he wanted to deny Dean, he really needed to get his stupid tie fixed.

And part of the reason why he was so bloody awful at it is because Dean used to always tie his tie for events such as these.

Seamus nods and Dean steps forward again. It takes a minute for Dean to tie it correctly and Seamus knows from experience that Dean could have done it faster but that he was just taking his time.

They’re standing so close together now. Seamus refuses to lift his eyes to meet Dean’s because who knows what would happen if he did.

Finally it’s done so Seamus steps back and licks his suddenly dry lips,

“Eh thank you”

Dean smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes, “Anytime”

Seamus feels his stomach twist in pain but he pushes it aside as he walks away.

He can’t let his encounter with Dean get in the way of Neville’s big day.

...

Of course thinking about Dean is all he ends up doing all day. And it’s not even really his fault because Dean is simply always around.

When he’s trying to greet the guests, he catches Dean’s eyes as he pats Hannah’s emotional relative on the shoulder. When Hannah walks down the aisle both Seamus and Dean put out hands to stop Neville from fainting which causes Harry to snort behind them.

Seamus suddenly hates how in sync they have become after all these years.

The ceremony is beautiful; Neville and Hannah are both teary and deliriously happy. Seamus is thankfully distracted by organising photos and telling people where to sit so he doesn’t have another interaction with Dean until the dancing starts.

Following tradition Seamus is dancing with the maid of honour when she excuses herself to get a drink.

Seamus smiles, grateful to be getting out of dancing but she pushes him into the centre of the dance floor and points to someone behind him, “Oh thanks! Here you can dance with Dean.”

Seamus’s eyes widen in alarm but she simply winks at him before strutting over to the bar. Seamus feels a hand on his arm and he wonders if anything else could possibly go wrong today.

“Just one dance.” Dean promises from behind him and Seamus wonders if he and the maid of honour had planned this just so Dean could corner him again.

Seamus sighs, everyone else already has a partner and he can’t show Neville up by refusing to dance with someone, even if that someone is his ex-boyfriend so he gives in.

Dancing is awkward enough for Seamus as it is but their height different doesn’t make it any easier. At previous occasions Dean used to lift Seamus up to stand on his toes and he’d tease Seamus the whole time about how small he is but he doesn’t do that now.

A minute passes; Dean doesn’t dare speak while Seamus has nothing he wants to say that is appropriate for this setting.

“They seem happy” Dean comments eventually, his eyes trained on the newlywed happy couple.

Seamus nods. He wants to say that they seemed happy a few months ago, that they were happy until apparently they weren’t but he doesn’t.

The music is still playing but it seems to be drowned out by all the thoughts circling around and around in Seamus’s head.

He wants to ask why Dean broke things off but he’s a bit terrified of the answer.

“I know you said you don’t want me to talk to you-”

“No it’s just that I wanted you to talk to me for over a year now and I got nothing so I’ve given up.”

Dean halts his movements and stares at him, “I thought it was what you wanted.”

Unable to stop himself, Seamus shoves Dean away from him, “Bullshit. That’s…that’s bullshit Dean. What did I do to make you think that I’d want you to move to another country, practically ignore me for months and then break up with me with no explanation?”

Dean runs a hand over his face “I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. I needed time to think. It was only supposed to be a break-”

“Then why didn’t you send an owl? Or floo? Or merlin Dean why didn’t you just come home?”

“I don’t know!”

A few dancers are watching them with budding curiosity so they hastily start dancing again and lower their voices.

“I messed up okay? I really messed up. And…I can’t apologise enough for it.”

“Obviously” Seamus responds coldly

Dean groans, “Can we talk? Alone? For five minutes, that’s all I’m asking for.”

Seamus raises an eyebrow, “All I asked for, for months was just to see you. Just to know that you were safe. You didn’t even grant me that.”

“Okay we have established that I’m the world’s biggest idiot alright? Just five minutes please”

Seamus wills himself to say no but he was never able to resist those big brown eyes and he hates himself for that.

“Five minutes.” Seamus agrees before sneaking his way in and out of the throng of people to the secluded outside balcony.

He leans his elbows down on the balcony and looks out at the view of the sea; Neville and Hannah really chose a fabulous venue.

Seamus hears the door click closed and less than a minute later Dean is standing beside him.

He leans over the railing too and for a moment it’s like old times.

Part of Seamus aches to lean his head on Dean’s shoulder, to breathe in his familiar scent and forget that anything ever went wrong. Dean could move back in, Seamus wouldn’t ask why he had ever left and everything would return to normal.

It would be so easy.

“I’m sorry I left.” Dean begins, Seamus keeps his eyes focused on the horizon; determined not to look at him. “Italy was great…It is great but in the beginning I was constantly working. When I wasn’t working I was being introduced to contacts. They were all people who told me that art had become their life….that nobody else understood it. Or understand them.” Dean swallows “I couldn’t help but relate that to us because…I had wanted you to come with me”

Seamus frowns, “What?“

Dean sighs "I know I never really said it but…I was hoping you’d come with me to Italy…and when you didn’t, I suppose I started doubting…everything. Those doubts grew and yes I started distancing myself from you so that I wouldn’t get hurt when you inevitably left. ”

“Why didn’t you just talk to me?” The anger Seamus felt is fading and confusion, sadness and a bit of love is all that remains.

“I was scared. It sounded simple in my head. To just take a break so we could both clear our heads for a bit but…I had been so busy that I forgot how much I need you. How much 

I’ve always needed you. I wanted to owl you or floo you every single day but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how I could apologise or make up for my actions.”

Seamus felt his head spinning. For the past few months all he has been trying to do is forget Dean, only to find out that was impossible and now Dean was telling him he felt the same.

“So what do you want from me?” Seamus asks, beyond curious of the answer.

“I want what we had this time last year.” Dean admits “I want you to take me back and…to forgive me with time. I know you’ve probably moved on or don’t want to be with me anymore but I still love you. I always will love you. And if you could consider the idea of us…just even being friends, it would mean the world to me.”

Thinking back over the past few months, Seamus realises that he had never moved on from Dean. He hadn’t even tried that hard. There was always something in the back of his mind that drew his thoughts back to Dean no matter what he did.

The part of him that’s still in pain tells him to walk away. That Dean had his chance and if Seamus takes him back then he will only get hurt again. But there’s a stronger part of Seamus that wants this. He wants to give Dean a second chance. He wants to give them another chance.

Because Seamus has been just as lost without Dean as Dean has been without him.

The sound of the waves crashing onto the rocks below them comforts Seamus a little. The sun has recently set but the sky is still alight with colours. Orange, gold and even a tint of pink taints the dark blue and Seamus wonders if he has ever seen a more beautiful sight.

But deep down he knows he has and that sight is Dean.

Seamus finally looks away from the scenery and turns to Dean, willing his hands to stop shaking.

“What about Italy?”

“I only have a few months left. After that I’ll be coming back to England, back to London hopefully.”

“When are you going back to Italy?”

“This weekend.”

Seamus nods thoughtfully. He knows that Dean is genuinely sorry and that he really does love him. There were so many reasons why he should say no, why he should leave the past in the past and walk away. But this is Dean who he has known practically all his life.

This is Dean who he is still in love with, even after everything that has happened between them.

Seamus knows that he himself isn’t ready to jump right back to where they were almost two years ago. Too much has happened for that. But…if they take things slow over the next few weeks and if things are still good when Dean moves back to England then maybe things could work out between them. 

So finally, Seamus relents and gives in to what he really wants,

“So what day this week are you going to take me out to dinner then?”

A wide grin spreads across Dean’s face and Seamus didn’t realise how much he missed that smile until right now.

“Whenever you want” Dean vows

“Tomorrow?” Seamus tests

Dean nods enthusiastically, “Perfect. I’ll pick you up at 7? We can go to your favourite? If it’s still your favourite that is.”

Seamus can’t help but genuinely smile,

“That sounds great”

They stay out there in the cool breeze for a while longer, standing in the silence with small smiles on their faces and Seamus is content in knowing that Dean is willing to put in the work to fix their fractured relationship.

Dean wants this to work out just as much as he does.

So maybe, just maybe they can find a way to be happy again.

...

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
